Girls, I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. It’s one that I wish I’d been let in on many years ago. I had a few long term relationships where I thought I was in control, until the inevitable point came when I felt like I wasn’t being heard. I got continually frustrated because I dumped all of my preconceived expectations on my partners and wondered why they didn’t respond to my secret language of communication, which basically consisted of not telling them how I really felt.

Be selfish in love and ask for what you want and need. Most of us women feel like we’re not being listened to. We so often don’t feel loved and appreciated enough by our other halves. And you know what; it’s OK to ask a guy for anything and everything you want, in a very specific way. Let’s be honest…men need things SPELLED OUT to them continuously. They often need to be reminded that we are important too, because let’s face it, they walk around in their own little world.

The reason so many of us ladies resist communicating genuine feelings, and leave so much unsaid, is because we’ve been conditioned to believe that asking for what we want is against the ‘rules’. We’ve been brought up to live by the fact that asking for exactly what we need and going after whatever we want is basically selfish. But the thing is, asking for our needs to be met isn’t selfish at all, in fact it’s the complete opposite. You have to ASK to get what you want.

It’s healthy to communicate with your partner and let them know if something isn’t quite floating your boat. It’s refreshing for a man to be told ‘no don’t do it like that, I like it when you do it like this’, or to be directed to buy you something slightly different that they otherwise wouldn’t have chosen on their own. Besides, if someone is never told, how will they ever learn and get to know you? You have to ASK to get what you want. Be realistic and make reasonable requests.